But It Wasn't Like This In The Movies!?!?!?!

It might sound like a chocoholic's dream, but stepping into a vat of bubbling chocolate became a two-hour nightmare for a 21-year-old man Friday morning.

Oh boy, I should have put on my laughing hat. Whew! give me a bit to recover from this hearty drollery.


















OK, I'm good. Let's continue.

Donovan Garcia, an employee of a company that supplies chocolate ingredients, said he was pushing the chocolate down into the vat at Debelis Corp. because it was stuck. But it became loose and he slid into the hopper.

"It was in my hair, in my ears, my mouth, everywhere," said Garcia, who has worked at the company for two years. "I felt like I weighed 900 pounds. I couldn't move."

We've shifted gears from a real life Willy Wonka accident to a behind the scenes expose of a porno starring the gay love child of Donovan McNabb and Jeff Garcia.

The chocolate was 110 degrees, hotter than a hot tub, said Capt. Greg Sinnen of the Kenosha Fire Department.

Co-workers, police and firefighters tried to free the man but couldn't get him loose until the chocolate was thinned out with cocoa butter.

Man, this story just gets hotter and hotter. Swarthy illegal immgrants in a tub being bathed in cocoa butter. I'm all hot and bothered........ in the pants.

My weiner.

The cock.

"It was pretty thick. It was virtually like quicksand," said police Capt. Randy Berner.

One thing is for sure: this boy's boys can swim.

I was saddened by the lack of oompa loompas, chocolate waterfalls, rotten little jackanapes and criminally negligient parents and legal guardians. Willy Wonka doesn't leave the impression that an escape from a chocolate river would require a team of creepy midwestern firefighters, one of whom is undoubtedly fantasizing licking you clean.

I do appreciate the picture though. Next time I'm enjoying a Reese's I'll think of the rusted garbage cans they cook this shit in. I really hope that isn't a bottle of liquor either.